There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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