did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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