So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
