Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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