I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
