So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
