hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
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