Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
