he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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