Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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