He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
