I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
