It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
