i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
