she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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