What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
