I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
