bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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