Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
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