recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
