I must be too annoying 4 u.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
