Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
