woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize