Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Let's get the cat blown out
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
