I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
