found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
