I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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