I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Girls should come with a carfax report
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize