Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
