you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
