how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
