I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize