I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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