ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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