I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
