The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize