I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
