Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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