hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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