My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
