I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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