i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize