Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
