literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
