Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Two words: blizzard sex
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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