Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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