When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Will exercising make me less horny?
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