so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
