well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
