he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
