You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Let's get the cat blown out
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
