god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
