K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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