Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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