you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
