I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize