SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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