You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
