Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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