Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
