bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Randomize
