she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
