so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize