My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
