she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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