We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
