I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
