He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
