As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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