I wish I could punch you in the face.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
