S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
