i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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