it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
