Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
