Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
