her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
