I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
