this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Dick very happy bro
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