So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I think my moral compass just broke
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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