His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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