I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Randomize
