I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
