I wish I only lived at night.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
