and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
