woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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