Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
