ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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