I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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