Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
