did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
