It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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