if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
