Can i not drive my cunt home
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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