I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm sobbing to NWA
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
