You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize